Free Glide

There are many different kinds of losses we can experience in our lives. Indeed, loss in human beings has its beginnings in the birth process that separates the infant from the comfort and security of the mother’s womb into a world where survival is conditional and predicated on individual responsibility. The presumable final loss is the end of the human life cycle caused by death. There are many losses in between those polarities that relate to the developmental and aging process in each life. All of these losses are expectable losses and our bereavement and mourning of these losses are colored by their expectability

Losses can be understood and processed more effectively when they are placed in a meaningful theoretical framework. Here are some examples:

1. Normal (expected) losses versus abnormal (unexpected) losses.

2. Universal losses versus special losses.

3. Chronic losses versus acute losses.

4. Mild losses versus severe losses.

5. Replaceable losses versus irreplaceable losses.

Unexpected losses, by definition cannot be anticipated or prepared for, and therefore impact people with a “rapid” challenge. Adjustment to an unexpected loss is difficult because of the suddenness of the demand to the person’s psychic and emotional economy. Unexpected losses can be acute or chronic. A diagnosis of Alzheimer’s Disease is unexpected, but it is a chronic loss that may feature many years of gradual decline for the patient and their loved ones for adjustment. Sudden death of a loved one through war, and natural disasters like the recent Tsunami are quintessential examples of acute unexpected losses, and place upon survivors the most severe adaptational demands.

Losses are considered to have more impact on people when they are irreplaceable, which means that they cannot be somewhat “undone.” Loss of your car through theft may indeed be potentially replaceable – obviously, the loss of a loved one is not.

Therefore, understanding grief and loss in war and disaster means realizing that these are some of the most terrible losses experienced because they are unexpected, “special”, acute, severe, and irreplaceable. The symptoms of these losses can be understood just as much as a post -traumatic stress disorder, as they are a part of bereavement.

THE SYMPTOMS OF TRAUMATIC LOSS-

Understanding and bearing the grieving process of traumatic loss is easier when you are aware of the symptoms that will be experienced. Traumatic loss can call forth:

1. Shock

2. Disorientation

3. Severe preoccupation

4. Hysteria

5. Acute suicidal feelings

6. Inability to function

7. Flashbacks

8. Amnesia

9. Severe phobic reactions

10. Startle reactions

11. Motor restlessness

12. Anxiety and Panic

These are certainly in contrast to the crying, sadness, preoccupation, anhedonia, and sleep disorders found with milder, more expectable losses.

STAGES OF GRIEF IN MILD AND TRAUMATIC LOSS

Denial. One can expect that traumatic losses will trigger some level of denial. Nature has provided people with the neuropsychological equipment to provide themselves with soothing body-based opiates that accompany denial and shock. This creates a stop-action, freezeframe period to buy the time involved to readjust.

Preoccupation with the Loss. Opening up to that which has been lost will involve various degrees of preoccupation with the loss itself. Many clinicians believe it is not the passage of time that heals but the rearrangement of ideas that are involved in the passage of time. Further they feel that the affect of sadness favor the slowing of mental processes which bring about more reorganization of ideas.

Griefwork or losswork is painful. It requires energy and expends energy. The bearing of emotional pain, physical symptoms, and the shifting of previous habits or thinking which now demand reorganization, frequently cause personal exhaustion and the normal challenges of life may be too great at this time.

Another aspect of the preoccupation stage of loss represents what Kubler-Ross referred to as “bargaining”. In part, This term describes moments and sequences of the mental reorganization process, where the wish to return to the pre-loss stage is felt or expressed. The broad sweep of optimal adjustment will hopefully dictate that this interlude will become a simple double-check which points out that, in fact, what is lost is lost and will stay that way, and the mourning process proceeds.

The Tree of Loss. People undergoing loss may experience the return of previous losses, both resolved and unresolved. Clinicians are familiar with this phenomenon and remain aware that this presents an opportunity for additional resolutions. Each person has their own special tree of loss, which is based on the losses they experienced in their life from birth up until the present moment.

Completeness of the Mourning Process. How well the person proceeds from the preoccupation stage to the withdrawal of energy from the loss stage depends on how completely the griefwork has been done. Essential to this completeness are the confronting of painful feelings, dealing with unfinished business and guilt resolutions.

People may require some help to tie up their loose ends (unfinished business) from another human being or a trained professional when it seems they are unable to “move on”. This may involve revisitations of old emotional scenarios and events, which keep the person stuck in the past.

The presence of guilt (the personal belief that one has done something bad as regards to their value system) is sure to retard the resolution of loss. Again, it may be necessary to seek professional help when the trauma of the loss or guilt is severe.

Withdrawal of Energy and Acceptance. When all of the above has occurred, the grieving person will slowly withdraw the old emotional investment in that which was lost (decathexis). This may initiate a reworking of the previous stages in miniature, with an ultimate arrival some time in the future of acceptance of the loss, a sure sign that resolution and “moving on” has occurred.

Reinvestment of Energy. The “final” stage of this process, reinvestment of emotional energy may take a very long time to reach after the previous stages. Many people that have experienced a traumatic loss may never reinvest their emotional energy out of a fear of further loss or because they remain somewhat emotionally disorganized. If the previous stages have been poorly resolved, the chances of optimal reinvestment may be slim to none.

Many people remain stuck in a pre-reinvestment state, haunting the interpersonal world, but never getting truly involved: they are like ghosts too frightened to move on. Other people remain “stuck” when they idealize the traumatic loss of their loved one and subsist on the bittersweet fruit of martyrdom.

Others who are more fortunate realize that loss is inevitable and decide that they are too unwilling to settle for a life crippled by fear of further loss. These people reinvest their emotional energy and take their chances in lives hopefully enriched by a deeper understanding of the many dimensions of loss.

Shermin Davis helped edit this article. She is private practice in Miami, Florida and can be reached at Srdavis@prodigy.net

Jan S. Maizler is a veteran therapist and writer practicing in Miami. He has authored over 100 articles and 7 books. He can be reached at http://www.relationshiphandbook.com, and http://www.transformationhandbook.com

There is only one place where tragedy occurs, and that is in the mind. Tragedy may appear to you on the physical level, however, it is the enormous power of your mind that creates the pain and separation you feel, from Love, from God, from Life itself when you listen to what your egoic thoughts are telling you, rather than listen to the voice of pure love, which can ONLY come from God, Holy Spirit, Divine Source.

Let me give you an analogy that Barbara Rose actually went through as a perceived “tragedy” so that you can better relate to the concepts given to you here.:

Barbara had a former husband that filed lies with a court to gain primary custody of their shared children, to avoid child support obligations that he had previously been sentenced to jail for twice before.

Barbara did not have money for an attorney, and experienced (on the ego and personality level) the injustice in the American justice system: i.e.; if you don’t have money for legal representation, then you have pretty much lost before you even have a chance to “win.”

Barbara on the ego and personality level experienced “severe and tragic loss” in “what she interpreted to be “losing her children.” She nearly took her own life over the injustice she perceived.

It was during many writings, and one in particular, that she received the words of God in her writings, which were: “You did NOT “lose” your children, you are merely sharing for the physical care for them with their father. You are still their mother, and always will be in this lifetime. You can see them, and be very active in their lives, so please understand that this was not a “punishment” or a “tragedy” this was a soul agreement, because you have other work to do in this life, while you are still a mother.”

Even if a person “dies” in physical life, they are NOT “dead” at all. They are vibrant and alive on the other side, and often visit loved ones in the physical realm, even if the person in a physical body cannot see their loved one. In MANY cases, the person that “died” is so much HAPPIER and MORE ALIVE on the other side, than they were in their physical life. It is the ego’s attachment that causes suffering. Pure Love would say: “I love you, and I know that your soul, spirit, and Life cannot ever be extinguished, so I will see you after this life again, and I will always love you.”

Many people try with all of their mind’s might to hold on to people, situations, external conditions and a host of other perceived areas as their source of happiness out of attachment. Once whatever the source of attachment is in their life is suddenly “gone” it is viewed as a “tragedy.” Love, Light, and God NEVER bring tragedy into people’s life. PEOPLE’S MINDS create the tragedy by their THOUGHTS. If something is loved Unconditionally, then there is NOT a condition that MUST be set in order for the love to continue.

Some people LOVE their money. Some people commit suicide when they lose their money. The same is true for a loved one. When you can begin to view the impermanence of things in life as the only constant, combined with Love, you will be free from suffering and tragedy permanently.

If you wish to do something about the madness and chaos you see in this world that was the seeming “cause” of the “tragedy” then you are doing so out of LOVE, which is WHY you will begin to feel better! It is the Love that is your natural state that brings you back into a feeling of wholeness, and oneness once again.

Please remember that the ego is very invested in keeping the status quo – whatever that may be. The ego has a comfort zone, and anything that disrupts that comfort zone is viewed as a “tragedy.” For goodness sake, there are people that get a scratch on their car, and have a fit over it, as if their home fell down a mountain. Moreover, there ARE people that have had their homes slide down a mountain, and were NOT so attached to that structure, and simply went about to buy or build another dwelling.

You are in this life for one purpose only, and that is to Love. It is to become One with your true essence of Love. Once you do, you will never again view something as a tragedy, but will understand the Divine orchestration of this Universe, and realize that you are forever at-one with your Source, and that IS Divine Source. That is all that will ever get you to feel better, is to become one with your true nature, and that is God.

View the things of this world with a LOT less meaning. View the people of this world with a LOT more unconditional Love and compassion. Realize that you do Not OWN another person, but you ARE ONE with ALL people – always. Release the sense of separation you feel from others, and you will come to know the inner peace of spirit, that dwells in your deepest heart, and is never separate from another spiritual being. All spiritual beings are One. YOU have to take a LOT of your situations much LESS SERIOUSLY. You are not your rent, or your relationship, or your bank account, or job status, or degree, you are Love, period.

When you learn that everything is of Love, you will come to know true inner peace, and will cease to be fraught with despair in the conditions that your eyes may see before you. You will come to trust that your essence, which is pure Love cannot EVER be extinguished. You NEVER “die”, your spirit is eternal, every spirit is eternal. Death is the illusion, because it is viewed as “death” however, there is no death there is only eternal life – so it is the mind’s illusion of death, and all other outer conditions that it is attached to, and has not awakened enough yet to free itself (the mind, YOUR mind) of the attachment to outer conditions. That is what was meant by the saying “Be in this world but not of it.”

The more you can detach from your external conditions, the more inner peace you will feel. Life is meant to be filled with pure love and joy – bliss – at ALL times. So do not let appearances shake you, or get to you. Make your ego’s investment in how things “must” be mean less to you, and allow yourself to observe with pure Love, and without judgment. You CAN change the feeling of tragedy by changing your perspective within your mind – where ALL feelings are created.

This may not be the “fix” that you were looking for, as it takes a tremendous amount of wisdom without an ego invested in outcomes to live this message. However, this message is one of truth, so as you ponder it, you will come to understand it more. The truth is eternal, so please do try to contemplate and awaken to this message, because it WILL lead you out of suffering, and it is ONLY your peace of MIND that will transform and overcome ANY seeming tragedy, forever.

© Copyright by Barbara Rose. All Rights Reserved.

Barbara Rose is an Internationally acclaimed public speaker, spiritual author of: “Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE” “If God Was Like Man”and “Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth, and Your Life”, founder of The Rose Group publishing company, inspire! Magazine, Institute of Higher Self Communication, and Rose Humanitarian Alliance.

She works in Divine Cooperation with others to uplift the spiritual consciousness of humanity. Through a Divine Spiritual gift she brings through information to create the highest vision of your life, and our world. Her internationally praised seminars, widely published articles, Higher Self Certification intensives, and Divinely Channeled private consultations have changed the lives of thousands across the globe.

For enlightening info, contacts, books, articles and resources to help you become your highest self, visit Barbara’s website: http://www.borntoinspire.com

Depression is a mental state marked by melancholy, pessimism or dejection.
Depression can also be defined as a psychotic condition characterized by stuporous withdrawal from reality and intense guilt feelings.

Depression is characterized by the following:

Loss of confidence in oneself

Undue pessimism

A feeling of constant helplessness

Uncalled for or unexplainable mood changes-i.e an abrupt switch from happiness when nothing has happened to warrant it.

Rudeness or aggression that is without apparent cause or which is occasioned by some trivial incident.

An unreasonable demand for perfectionism, not only in oneself but also in one’s loved ones, friends, business associates and even from things or situation.

Habitual underachievement especially if one is adequately equipped to do the work one is called upon to perform.

The inability to accept responsibility, often manifested by a recurrent loss of employment or unemployment.

Phobias

Unreasonable feelings of persecution

Self destructive acts

Sexual deviation

Sudden and dramatic change in sleeping habits

Physical ailments and complaints for which there are no organic causes.

Most people have blue moods from time to time in their lives. Indeed, when faced with a personal tragedy like the death of a loved one, a normal healthy individual may well undergo a period of depression. A person suffering from the depressive reaction, however has persistent feelings of worthlessness and pessimism unrelated to events that might depress a normal person. An inability to cope with problem situation is gradually magnified into an inability to cope with anything at all. Attempts to mask the crisis by putting on a front-feigning cheerfulness and optimism-give way to episodes of total hopelessness. Suicide is often considered and sometimes attempted. Threat of suicide from a depressed person should always be regarded seriously.

Common physical symptoms accompanying depression are fatigue, loss of appetite, and insomania.

Rapheal Adewale believes everyone is suppose to enjoy live to the fullness. You can completely STAY out of depression.In this world of uncertainity,lots of people feel depressed and suffer anxiety. But… You can completely STAY FREE from this.

There is no clear mandate on the exact cause of social anxiety disorder. There are many assumptions about it, which include a combination of a person’s genetic make up, early childhood and adolescent experiences. It could be caused by a person’s genetic predisposition. And just as physical features like eye and hair color are inherited, social anxiety disorder can also be passed on from one generation to the other. It has been proven that in some cases anxiety disorders run through generations. It has also been noticed among identical twins that if one of them has an anxiety disorder, the other is also likely to have the disorder, so there is an obvious link between anxiety disorders and ones genes.

The second commonly believed cause originated from a study of animal behavior, which says that all animals are fearful of others, especially strangers looking or staring at them. Staring is generally considered threatening behavior, and can unsettle the other person. Therefore, avoiding eye contact or averting the gaze is very common in people with social anxiety disorder. It is usually seen that fear of strangers develops in very young babies, as early as 7 months of age. Though it is natural for young children to be anxious around strangers, trauma or stress in the early years is perceived as a probable cause for this order.

It is also believed that anxiety is caused by the structure of our brain. Our brain controls all our thinking, physiological functions and behavior. Anxiety symptoms are often relieved by medicines that change the chemical balance of the brain. In fact, our anxiety response system is centered in our brain, and there are certain critical components in the brain that regulate our response to anxiety. Individuals with social anxiety disorder probably have abnormalities in the functioning of some parts of their anxiety response system.

An individual’s personality may also play an important role. It has been noticed that people with low self-esteem and poor coping skills are more prone to social anxiety disorders. Whereas it may also be possible that anxiety disorder in a child’s early years has led to the low self-esteem, psychologists also believe that there may be an important relationship between anxiety disorders and long-term exposure to abuse and violence.

A major survey on depression symptoms from the National Mental Health Association (NMHA), released in july 2001, revealed a
dramatic degree of progress in public understanding. Yet even amid this promising trend, the survey sheds light on the
difficulties faced by millions of people striving to manage this sometimes chronic, life-long illness.

The NMHA survey shows a major shift in public opinion in the last decade about the cause of depression. A majority (55 percent) of
those polled who have never been diagnosed with depression symptoms understand depression is a disease, and not “a state of mind
that a person can snap out of.” In 1991, only 38 percent recognized depression as an illness.

The survey also sketches a troubling portrait of the socio-economic lives of some people with depression symptoms. Survey respondents
with depression symptoms reported higher levels of unemployment and divorce than respondents who don’t have the disorder.

“We set out to get a snapshot of the state of depression and its treatment,” said Michael M. Faenza, president and CEO of the NMHA.
“The good news is that there is greater public understanding of depression and that people living with depression are finding substantial
relief by following their treatment plans. The challenging part is understanding the degree to which public perceptions impact those in
treatment,” said Faenza.

In this year’s survey, nearly one in three Americans say they believe depression symptoms is a state of mind. “Fifty-five percent understand the
truth about depression. That is good, but it is not enough,” said Faenza. “You’d never hear 31 percent of the population deny that diabetes
and heart disease are real. Erroneous beliefs about depression fuel stigma, bad public policies and poor personal choices by those
living with the illness and may impede their recovery.”

The survey also describes a strong correlation between clinical depression symptoms and diminished social and economic circumstances
for families. Survey respondents with depression report greater rates of divorce and unemployment than the general public. What’s more,
respondents who have experienced multiple depressive episodes are even more likely to be divorced or unemployed. They also are
more likely to have lower income and educational levels.
The NMHA survey, conducted by Public Opinion Strategies LLC, comprised interviews with 500 adults currently being treated for
depression, 300 primary care physicians, psychiatrists and psychologists and 800 members of the general public.

Gap Between Knowledge and Behavior

Survey respondents who are living with depression symptoms overwhelmingly feel that treatment, including medication, psychotherapy or
both, works. (Their average self-rated symptom severity dropped from 8.5 before treatment to 3.6 within six to 12 months after starting
treatment, using a severity scale of one to 10, with 10 being the most severe.)

Yet people are finding that staying with treatment is hard work. While they seem to understand the value of long-term treatment (in fact,
most respondents believe that adhering to treatment is not difficult) nearly one-third (29 percent) of people on antidepressants report
skipping doses during the week and nearly one-fourth (24 percent) have difficulty attending regular psychotherapy sessions. However,
physicians and psychiatrists surveyed believe adherence is much lower than people in treatment profess. Almost 40 percent of doctors
believe those they treat have difficulty staying with their medication regimens (a number consistent with most studies), and half (52 percent)
say those they treat have difficulty staying with their psychotherapy regimens.

The survey suggests many reasons why some people don’t stick with treatment. In addition to struggling with the nature and demands
of the depression symptoms, they may find the requirements of long-term vigilance overwhelming. A majority of doctors (70 percent) say
those they treat for depression symptoms might find adherence easier if they could take medication less often. But medication is not the
only issue. Though people with depression symptoms believe diet and exercise to be beneficial to long-term wellness, they nevertheless
report not adhering with these regimens either.

“The survey clearly shows that the fewer episodes of depression people reported, the more likely they were to have stayed with
treatment, whatever that treatment may be,” said Faenza. “Facing up to this illness and taking personal responsibility for its treatment
are vital. Yet some may not acknowledge and seek treatment for depression because of negative public attitudes and misperceptions.”

In fact, even as people with depression symptoms struggle with the illness itself, they also seem to be searching to determine their
best course of treatment, how long they should stay in treatment, what they might expect from treatment and whether they will ultimately
recover. As a result, more people are employing a combination of techniques to get and stay well.

Perceptions Diverge

Public perceptions about depression symptoms often diverge significantly from the perceptions of people in treatment and may
discourage them from seeking effective therapeutic approaches. For example, the survey results showed that the general public
ranks regular exercise, a healthy diet and psychotherapy higher than medication for effectiveness in warding off future episodes of
depression symptoms. In contrast, doctors and people in long-term treatment rate staying on medication as the most effective way to
prevent a relapse, even as they seek the right mix of psychotherapy and lifestyle choices.

Perceptions also diverge when it comes to understanding what treatment can deliver. Thirty-five percent of the general public believe
that a person can be cured completely of depression symptoms, a belief held by only 12 percent of people in long-term treatment for
the illness. It is likely that many in this group are struggling to achieve realistic expectations for treatment because the majority of subjects
in the survey sample are in long-term treatment for multiple episodes of depression symptoms.

About half of those who experience depression symptoms will never have another episode; half will. The findings suggest that people
treated for clinical depression symptoms understand the frequently episodic nature of this common illness. More than three-quarters
(76 percent) believe that they will need some type of treatment for the rest of their lives, and most understand that their treatment will
control, but not necessarily cure, their depression symptoms.
However, even as more people come to terms with the long-term demands of depression symptoms, too many still find it difficult to make a
treatment plan work for them. “The upshot is that people living with depression conduct highly individualized searches for the right mix
of therapiesmedical, psychological or lifestyle. The last thing they need is for stigma or public misperceptions to diminish their efforts,”
said Faenza.

Source : National Mental Health Association, July 11, 2001

Charles Donovan was a study patient in the investigational trial of vagus nerve stimulation for chronic depression. He testified at the FDA Medical Devices Panel Meeting. The FDA approved vagus nerve stimulation as a treatment for chronic depression in August of 2005. He is the author of:

Out of the Black Hole: The Patient’s Guide to Vagus Nerve Stimulation and Depression

You can learn more about this remarkable treatment at http://www.VagusNerveStimulator.com

Just a little about me, my name is Rebecca White and I have dealt with some form of depression my whole life. I have heard it all: “Why don’t you just snap out it of it?” or “Your life is fine so what do you have to be depressed about?” it doesn’t matter what goes on in my life depression has nothing to do with what is going on around me.

I wrote this short article to help others know how it feels when a person is suffering from depression. Its not the best article but this article was written on one of my “bad days”.

I can be on the top of the world one day and the next wake up with this over whelming urge to cry, to not do anything, and not know why I went to bed the night before happy and woke up like nothing is going to go right.

Depression can stem from a chemical imbalance, or from dealing with a stress in your life that you cannot seem to handle.

What does it feel like to be depressed?

The world around you feels like it is gray, you don’t realize the beautiful things that are going on around you. You don’t notice the butterflies or the wonderful rainbows in the sky after a rain.

You feel like you are alone even in a crowd.

You don’t feel like you are worth it, or that no one loves you even when in truth those around them will tell them they are loved.

You don’t feel successful, you feel like a constant failure, even if you are not.

You don’t feel joy out of the small things, you don’t really notice what is going on around you. You fail to find joy out of a flower or butterflies

The day to day life just passes you by

Being depressed is not something we who deal with depression want to live with. For some of us the only way to cope is to take depression meds to help us deal with the depression and help improve our chemical imbalance.

My hope is that if you can read how a person feels when they are depressed someone will have a better knowledge of how to help the loved one by knowing what he/she may be feeling.

Help your loved one seek out professional help, be there for them, try your best not to say the old cliche’s those do not help no matter how much you think it will. To be honest telling us to snap out of it will only sink some of us farther down as it will only enforce what we ourselves are feeling.

Rebecca White is a WAHM to 3 boys. She has been dealing with depression for 14 years. Just this year she made a decision to build a site to offer support for moms who suffer from the taboo subjects that no one wants to talk about or are afraid to talk about. Support for Moms is a safe place to come and find others who deal with everyday challenges like you do. http://www.supportformoms.com