Free Glide

Although the internet is flooded with thousands of matchmaking sites, few people realize why this approach to finding their mate can lead to matchmaking hell.

False Forecasts

The typical methods for finding a mate are based on personality tests, psychological profiles, and our own evaluation of a potential partner.

Most of the matchmaking techniques used on these sites are doomed to failure because the harmonious relationship forecast turns out to be false. For instance, consider those sites that claim their methods are scientific and say this validates their results. But the current divorce rate undermines any belief that such methods work.

Most people tend to repeat the same mistakes and issues in their second marriage. Others say that they got a lot smarter by the third marriage. But that is an awful waste of life, pain, and suffering. When you trust those matchmakers on the dating sites or even your own intuition, you are very likely to fail.

Why?

The obvious conclusion is that most people don’t have enough tools for finding out what another person is really like inside. If this is your situation, then I can assure you that there are real answers. Simply turn to the heavens.

Did you know that the signs of the zodiac reveal “human attitudes” and that the planets reveal “personal desires?” If you know how these energies function in your potential mate and can determine how they relate to your own energies, you will have irrefutable evidence of what a person is like on the inside. You will then be able to discover whether you can live in harmony or not. What could be more validating?

If your superstitions or beliefs have prevented you from exploring what is really available to you in the heavens, maybe it’s time to take another look. If you would like to learn more about this kind of matchmaking check this out.

If you are seriously looking for a lasting relationship and want to avoid the guess-matchmaking madness that is infesting the internet, explore the signs and planets within you and your potential partner. This could lead you to matchmaking heaven.

© 2005 Randall Curtis

Bond together the two of everybody’s uppermost quests and you’ve got is a mania titled a sportsbook wagers web property. Seriously, what could be more inventive… If you envision a bunch of sports aficionados cheering any given home team, and almost regularly lays are assured to be calculated tied in to the noise. Intent to participate in of the pleasure, onlookers will habitually aspire to figure who will win in the coming competition. All of this boils down to a chummy little competition named sportsbook wagers web property.

Why wait? Top on line sports wagering games are happening right now, online!

In order to wager, you should go to a sportsbook wagers web property, i.e. a setup that tenders sportsbook wagers web property. In America, you will find four states where people can go for sportsbook wagers in a legitimate manner, but if legality is no concern, you may try it wherever provided you can pin down a bookie *and* you happen to be of legal age. Amongst the games you’ll be able to wager on are professional plus, in addition, college class basketball & football, professional hockey and baseball, plus, in addition, betting on both horse and dog racing. You may wager on the global results of a game or fight, at which point any given contestant will be vanquished, and even whether a coin toss in a game or fight comes down heads or tails.

The sportsbook company will depend on statistics make it easier for you choose which team you suppose will win. First, there’s the spread, i.e. advantage in points pertaining to the disadvantaged contestant assumed to take a licking by x number points. This describes the sportsbook provider’s proven practice of making fair antes possible for a Sportsbook. To take an example you might bet on a lineup assumed to take a licking and and regardless win that bet provided the contestant goes under by x number of points.

You’ll get so many varying manners of bets– straight, parlays, teaser wagers and, further, over/unders, the straight bets, where you’ll simply pick the contestant you feel will prevail or go down being the best known in sportsbook wagers.

So why not have a bash at it and have a lot of fun while you’re at it… Simply see to it that you won’t get too enthusiastic and fritter your total pension plan on a whim! After all, you’ll be sure to catch yourself being sorry all life long!

Introduction

Success - we all read about it, hear it on the news, and label some individuals as “successful.” In this society, a person is believed to be successful, just by measuring the amount of money a person earns, the size and location of his/her house and the vehicles they drive. You are successful if…

…you vacation in a far-off land, you are successful.

…you wear designer clothes and dine or entertain at renowned restaurants you are successful.

There are many definitions of success, almost as many as there are individuals. Your idea of success may not be mine and vice versa. I may not be concerned with what I drive and do not base this on success. You, however, might take great care in who shops at what store in order to attain the label of success. Whatever your criteria is for placing someone, including yourself, on a preferred list of successful individuals, is based in part on what is of value to you. If you value home location, then successful people live in certain areas. There are those that feel that opulent spending signifies status in the honor rolls of life. Who is correct and what assumption is accurate?

None of them are and yet they all are. No matter what you base the concept of successful living on, only the individual involved can attest to the fact that they feel successful. There is an old saying that “only true success will lull you to sleep at night.” True success is basically living up to your potential and fulfilling life goals and expectations that you have set for yourself. You work hard to make your dreams come true; your family is well taken care of so you can rest at night. Yet, there are those who do not have financial comfort, yet make do with what they have and share their love and attributes with their family and friends. Both individuals are successful. They have done what is expected of them and beyond.

Understanding Success

Success is one of those words that we all understand, or at first glance, we think we do. We hear that someone is a big success, and we nod in agreement and apparent understanding. But what is success? Webster defines success as reaching a conclusion, usually a fortunate one. OK, what is fortunate? Most of us correlate success with money. If someone has a lot of money we tend to think of him or her as successful. But if you’ve been around a few years you know that money doesn’t buy happiness. Money can make one’s life easier and that can eliminate many obstacles to happiness, but money itself brings little or no inherent joy. And joy is the trademark of success.

I propose that success is achieving, in this lifetime, whatever you want to, to make you happy. Therefore, success is very personal and completely individual. Furthermore, success does not come as a result of money, but money may come as a result of success. Success is a feeling. Success is a state of being in which we feel a sense of joy, fulfillment, and achievement.

Forget what the media proclaims. Ignore what friends and family consider a success. Focus instead on what success means to you. Are you successful right now? If you feel good about the person you are being, then you are successful. If you feel joy when you are being who you are, if you feel fulfillment when you are doing what you do, this is your soul shouting encouragement at being the real you. This is success.

Success is About Self-Believe

There are no set steps you must take to reach success. There are just basic issues to overcome and control. These are few and simple. You must believe in what you do, be willing to share your knowledge and expertise with others, and acknowledge that others have the same rights to success as you do.

- If you can laugh at your own mistakes, but not at those of others, and if you fail at anything, but can find the strength to get back up, then you are on the road to success.

- If an elderly person holds your respect, and a child makes you believe in life itself, then you are successful.

- If you shake the hand of an individual down on his luck as warmly as you do that of a statesman, then you are successful.

It is all in where your heart is and if you have the courage to follow it. You don’t have to be exceptionally intelligent, nor endowed with great beauty or strength; you just have to be comfortable in being you.

Success is in essence immeasurable. Yet, others lay a yardstick to it day after day. Your life will decide your success, and your own peace of mind will insure it. So, let each day be a step toward hearing “A Job Well Done” when all the cards are on the table, and there is no more playing time. Success - my toast to you!

Identifying the real Successful People

Real successful people appear relaxed and have a few points in common:

- They have the sound of success. It is not in their “actual” words, but the way they talk and react.

- They are not afraid of the type of impression they are portraying, because they are real.

- They are not, “putting on an act”, they are just being themselves. They shake your hand confidently, and sincerely.

- They walk with an air of confidence that only comes naturally when you are happy and content on the inside as well as out.

- They have accomplished what they have set out to do, and they have the right to be proud and happy.

Not all successful people will make headline news and be interviewed by major television stations and talk-show hosts. They don’t need this type of exposure to enjoy what they have achieved. All truly successful people are willing to share their insight and knowledge so that others may reach their goals and their pinnacles of ability.

Successful people can find joy in simple things and the sound of their laughter is not a mimicking type of facade, but a down-to-earth real-time sound that tells everyone around them that life is good and enjoyable. Successful individuals take their goals and their strengths and weaknesses very seriously. They can, however, laugh at themselves, but they will never cross the line to ridicule or belittle another.

They are true giants in whatever they pursue and undertake. These people face problems and look for solutions. There is no mountain that they feel cannot be ventured over and each morning brings fresh, new opportunities.

To a successful person, others are their equals, never beneath them. They may be giants of industry or the arts, but they truly listen and lift up everyone around them. Successful people are men and women in every walk of life, different ages, nationalities, and color. They are famous or live just next door. These giants of success are not afraid to lift everyone on their shoulders, so that they can see even further.

A child is a vision and an older individual is a beacon of hope. Nature represents balance and the world is an arena of growth and true prosperity. Money, fame, and fortune are tangible and can disappear overnight. Family, friends, and values last a lifetime and are worth their weight in gold. Time spent in truly listening to someone else is quality time and sometimes a simple walk down a woodland path with a friend is a chance to renew strength and composure. Winning an argument to them does not as important as understand the views of another.

Conclusion

Successful people are everywhere. They are in the newspapers, on television programs, and are being interviewed and their words written down by reporters for all kinds of magazines and journals.

You are successful if you feel successful in the small achievements as well as the larger ones. You are successful if you feel you have all that you need, but you know the difference between want and need. You can share what you have and find that it multiplies in return.

You all are successful, in your own way; just you need to realize it from within. This is my gift to all of you, on the occasion of Christmas and New Year.

Have a great time and enjoy your life with your near and dear ones.

With Lots of Love,

Composed By: Sanjeev Sharma
Pune-India
Mobile: +91-9890788259
Blog: http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/

Belief is the base where the whole of humanity stands upon. Belief is the breath of every human being though he is unaware of it. Humanity believes many materialistic things in the world which they never see with their eyes, never hear with their ears. But when it comes to spiritual matters like God, man spontaneously questions God’s existence. Man’s faith in the invisible God should flow like blood all over the limbs of the body. We should remember that our existence is only due to His existence.

‘How do we believe in God who is invisible?’ Such question is often pondered by some people. In reality we believe in many scientists’ discoveries which we only heard but never saw in reality. But when it comes to God, people ask for proofs. We do not see air but we feel it. Similarly we might not see God with the naked eyes but we feel him at heart. Just because one is unable to see air or God, can he deny their existence?

The Sun, Stars, Moon, Earth, Water, Sky and the nature’s wonders which cannot be created by Man are all proofs of God’s existence. We can feel God when we are with the nature. Man might have created so many things on the earth but who created that man? God created man and his mysterious brain which helped man in his discovery.

Human being is able to achieve the impossible by his intelligence, knowledge and skill. This doesn’t mean he is greater than God because that great human being is also helpless in some aspects. Is that being aware that there is an invisible thread which helps in the functioning of all parts? Is he breathing every breath by his will? Can he die at any moment he wants or can he live for more years when the hour of death approaches him? Is man making any effort to make his heart beat in a regular manner? Who is the guiding principle behind all these? It is God who resides in the heart of man.

Man cannot control nature. Can he control sun rise, sunset, rotation and revolution of the earth? Being human, if scientists can create water, what is the greatness of God in creating water, so think many people. Can scientists create water sufficient for the whole world by their experiments? Can they create oceans with hydrogen and oxygen? Imitation is human, creation is divine. Man uses mind. He is forgetful; God uses heart. He is forgiveness.

Love doesn’t live together with ego and pomp. It is very easy to please God. You need not boast of your finances or intelligence; you need not utter the toughest language or greatest poetry on the earth to please him. Simple or no language is sufficient to pray. Empty hands and a heavy heart are all that God needs to fulfill your greatest wishes. Then all the troubles will be vanished and you will see the Sun of happiness shine on your heart. Chanting the name of God acts like anesthesia; though you are in the whirlpool of troubles, you will cross it with no trace of pain with His name on your lips. Never challenge God. Be humble, yearn for his love, strive for his grace, and let your eyes and heart be filled with true love for Him. There will be no miracle left to be taken place in your world of God. For this, blind ‘Faith’ is the first step on the ladder of Realization to reach your final destination called ‘God.’ Take one step towards God and he will take thousand steps towards you. God is a blend of mother, father, friend, guide and philosopher. This single word ‘God’ seems so small but it has the whole of universe in it.

Spirituality is an easy path to reach God. Prayer without faith is like an artificial flower without fragrance. No good cause can dare to invite obstacles if only you have blind faith in God. One who has time for God in this busy mechanical world is the true son of God. Let your faith in God be blind and your heart be open. Surrender to God from below; God will render his blessings from above.

God is omnipresent; man’s lack of faith prevents him from seeing God. God’s existence cannot be denied because of his invisibility. Can we deny the existence of the Sun because of the blockage of the clouds? When we wait with patience until the clouds are dispelled by a strong wind, we can witness the sun. Similarly, with the blowing of the wind of Faith, the cloud of doubt gets shattered and God becomes visible.

“Patience, love or trust are essential to feel the Lord.” - Sharmila Sanka

During the past two decades, all forms of child abuse, including sexual abuse and incest, have received wide recognition. As a result, many women who were sexually abused as a child has stepped forward to express their abuse experiences; thereby breaking the “conspiracy of silence.” Incest is no longer in the closet, the family secrets, or the horror story that happened to someone else is now aired in the public arena.

It is conservative estimated that 40 percent of American women and 20 percent of men have experienced some form of childhood sexual trauma. Others studies suggested that as many as 180,000 women per million in the United States may have been incestuously abused before the age of 18; and as many as 45,000 per million may have been incestuously exploited by their own fathers. as survivors continue to come forward and disclose their incestuous experiences, these statistics, especially those for men, will increase steadily.

Incest and child sexual abuse has become so widespread that many mental health professionals are assessing it as a major social problem. The importance of real trauma to the development of psychopathology is increasingly recognized. The most damaging of actual trauma is incest; the sexual exploitation of a child by a family member who stands in a parental role, or in a relationship invested with significant intimacy and authority.

Childhood sexual abuse refers to any sexual activities between an adult and a child; it does not matter whether the activity involves actual contact or not. All sexual activity between an adult and a child is abusive because it is nonconsensual, even in cases where the child appears to be a willing or an eager participant. This type of sexual activity violates the child’s life because children have neither the necessary experience nor the power that is required to give consent. Incest, on the other hand, refers to all sexual activity between family members whether abusive or non-abusive.

Incest survivors often experience problems with closeness and intimacy. Often sexual activity and sometimes non-sexual activity can produce feelings of anxiety, rage, anger or numbness. Survivors are often turned-off by sex, or they can be very promiscuous. Intimacy and close relationship with a parent, friend or even therapist, may evoke the feeling that sex will occur. Inappropriate desires for sex with people who hurt you are common among adult survivors of childhood incest, as is the expectation of being taken advantage of.

The feeling of absolute helplessness and hopelessness is often the most devastating factor in these young survivors of sexual abuse. When a child is violated by those deemed protectors, it destroys the belief that the world is safe, that things can be worked out, and that life is, indeed, manageable. For many survivors, the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness leads to unconsciously attempts to control everything and everyone in their immediate environment. Others may react by giving up control completely.

Finally, if you are a survivor or if you know someone who survived the trauma of incest or childhood sexual abuse; it is not too late to seek professional help and encourage them to do the same. Do not blame yourself. You have done no wrong; something bad was done to you, and you had no control nor the power to prevent it.

Dr. William Smith is a psychotherapist and personal consultant with over 30 years experience working with individuals and groups. He specializes in working with Adult Children of Alcoholic, Survivors of Incest, childhood sexual trauma, Rape survivors, and individuals experiencing symptoms of Depression, anxiety, and relationship concerns. Dr. Smith can be reached at insightconsultant.com or wspsych@msn.com

Work stress has become a major problem today. The nature of work is changing at whirlwind speed. Now more than ever before, job stress poses a threat to your health.

Although an estimated 50% of US employers are trying to help their employees with work stress management - doctors still estimate that 9 out of every 10 patient visits are directly related to financial or work stress.

A survey by a major US insurance company - Northwestern national Life - reported that:

- 40% of US workers feel their job is very or extremely stressful, and

- 26% report that they are very often burned out by their work.
The medical world is telling us that lack of adequate work stress management is at the root of most of our physical disease and disorders today — and is also the direct cause of the increasingly common problem of “early aging” and intimacy problems. Plus… stress is the known enemy of creativity and optimal mental functioning.

Since ultimately your mental health is ultimately your responsibility - managing your work stress ultimately falls on your shoulders. And there’s another other obvious reason it’s so important to manage your stress — to avoid the danger of burnout from excessive work stress, and potential loss of your job.

Ultimately the source of your work stress is how you respond to what’s happening at work. So it makes sense that the most obvious answer is to attack your stress at its source — your brain.

**Brainwave Training - The Immediate Stress Management Tool

Modern neuroscience has provided some amazing stress management tools that have not yet found their way into the workplace. One of the most powerful tools is brainwave training — a technique that immediately reaches into your brain and turns off “the stress switch.”

In the simplest possible terms — brainwave training causes your brain to mimic the brainwaves of high-achieving successful individuals who have learned to totally manage their stress.

The immediate benefits include instant stress reduction, increased IQ and mental clarity, better mental focus, and even a reduction of headaches and insomnia.

The long-term benefit is that your brain is actually trained to create these mental states and habits all on its own! Your brain learns to decrease the frequency and severity of stress — and even to overcome it altogether!

**How does this work in the brain?

Your brain is an electro-chemical organ. When a neuron (brain cell) is stimulated, it releases a tiny electrical charge. Since billions of your neurons are constantly firing electrically, an electrical wave is created. These waves are called “brainwaves.”

You experience a simple form of brainwave training when you watch a flickering fire, or listen to certain music.

What happens is that your neurons (brain cells) begin to fire “in-time” to the music or flickering flames — just like tapping your foot to music. Then after about 6 seconds, your brain starts to reproduce the rhythm internally all by itself.

**The web’s first mental workout ezone

The Quantum Brain Gym is a unique mental workout ezone as close as your computer. The web’s first complete brain gym — it has been packed with brain-building tools by leading pioneer brain/mind researcher and neuropsychologist Dr Jill Ammon-Wexler.

It contains virtually everything you need to manage your stress, and boost your mindpower, including:

• A complete 350-page library of mind-building articles
• 2-3 minute motivational messages to quickly boost your mental outlook and optimism
• Custom-engineered brainwave training audios designed to rapidly tame your stress, and supercharge your mental abilities,
• And much, much more! 

**The benefits are truly substantial
Here’s a sample of the benefits you’ll get from regular visits to the brain gym for your mental workouts:

• Instantly reduce and manage your stress,
• Increase your mental focus while you study or work,
• Boost your creativity,
• Sharpen your memory,
• Measurably increase your IQ,
• Get powerful morning or afternoon natural energy boosts,
• Learn to enter into deep meditative states,
• Rapid and long lasting personal change.
• And much, more! 

**What computer equipment do I need?

Because of the power of the state-of-the-art Quantum Brain Gym technologies, you do not need headphones, or even stereo speakers! The brainwave sessions are equally effective on a laptop speaker, or from across the room.

**Your brain is precious! Click the below link to view a detailed list of the Quantum Brain Gym contents. You can sign up on that page, and immediately claim all these brain-smart benefits for yourself!

By Dr Jill Ammon-Wexler, Brain/Mind Researcher
© 2004 All Rights Reserved

The author, Dr Jill Ammon-Wexler, is a doctor of psychology, pioneer brain/mind researcher, and former advisor to the Pentagon, a Presidential Commission, and numerous top executives and executive teams.
The author of several books and hundreds of articles, she is also the co-founder of quantum-self.com, and the Creative Director of the Self Discovery Community. She can be reached at: drjill@quantum-self.com

Come visit the exciting Self Discovery Community. Discover the most interesting, unusual, stimulating and creative methods of self discovery on the web today! Free sizzling weekly ezine, and the web’s first Brain Gym ezone. http://www.quantumbraingym.com

If you didn’t know by now, yoga asanas can help you in the treatment of high blood pressure, and help you lower blood pressure. Yoga asanas make stable your blood pressure, so lower blood pressure when it’s abnormaly high. Asanas have favorable effects on the nervous system. By practicing certain yoga asanas you can not only lower your blood pressure, but also reduce the effects of hypertension on the other organs of the body.

There are a few categories of asanas which are recommended to lower blood pressure: forward bends, sitting, supine and inversions group.

Forward bends have the best effects on high blood pressure, so they can help you the most to lower your blood pressure. These exercises have a calming effect on the brain, the blood circulation to the brain is normalized, and they help you reduce the stress from the sense organs, things that lower blood pressure. So, the brain, the sympathetic nervous system and the sense organs are relaxed, the cardiac output and the pulse rate decelerate at the same time, and blood pressure stabilizes, so it lowers blood pressure when it’s high. Other asanas which have beneficial effects on the nervous system and help you lower blood pressure are Uttanasana and Adhomukha Svanasana , which have to be practiced with the head resting on props, so the blood circulates more freely into the aortic arch. These help you lower blood pressure.

Baddhakonasana and Virasana are some of the sitting asanas which can be practiced in order to get a lower blood pressure by the hypertensives , which in most cases are hard breathing. These poses eliminate the tension from the ribs and the intercostal muscles, so they help you to breathe with no difficulty, and lower blood pressure.

Other poses which help you lower blood pressure are the supine poses, like Supta Baddhakonasana which, by relaxing the abdominal region, and so the entire body, bring calm on the nerves.

Inversions asanasas such as Viparita Karanti and Halasana revitalize the nerves, assure the control over the lungs and diaphragm, so if you practice these exercises constantly, you will get a lower blood pressure. There are also useful the Svanasana and pranayama, which provide the control over the automatic nervous system. As the senses and the mind are chilling, the blood pressure stabilizes, and in case of hypertension it leads to a lower blood pressure.

This medical article is written by Grojan Fabiola during one research session on lowering blood pressure in a natural way, that will be using yoga. So, if you want to find out more about how to lower blood pressure, especially in a natural way, please click this link.

Digital technology has opened up great opportunities not only for the printing industry but also for art schools. Digital technology has improved tremendously the way art is created. It has made designing an easier job. Some of the world’s greatest works of art are easily reproduced having the same degree of vibrancy of colors and crispness as the originals.

Digital technology has removed the boundaries. There are now boundless opportunities for fine arts, fashion, computer arts, graphic design or motion pictures and video, all with the use of excellent cutting-edge techniques and professional training.

The United States of America is actually in the forefront of the digital arts revolution and provides solutions to the ever-expanding entertainment industry that requires the creation of a new and advance technology, coupled with some creative concepts and fresh talent. The spectacular successes of special effects films are due to the undying and relentless creativity, as well as effort, of various types of artists who come from diverse disciplines. These contributions have made the United States of America, and especially California, take the lead in the digital arts realm.

There are various programs that are offered in various types of digital art schools but all have one goal, and that is to deliver convincing digital art works that can rival any type of traditional printing. These are made possible by the use of new equipment. Since the industry is continuously changing, there is a big demand for investing in new technologies.

Internships, as well as work experience and job placement, are equally important factors to consider when deciding on a school. Some digital arts school also assist graduates with job placement through recruitment drives, portfolio reviews, and workshops.

A career in digital arts/graphic designing after digital arts school

A career in digital arts or graphic designing is more a marrying of art and commerce than it is one or the other. Graphic designers make use of a variety of prints, electronic and film media, in order to come up with designs that meet their client’s needs. A graphic designer makes use of Adobe Photoshop, QuarkXPress, Illustrator and/or Macromedia Fireworks, Flash, and Freehand to create the overall layout design for magazines, newspapers, journals, corporate reports, and any other type of publication that requires professional designing.

These types of projects usually involve the use of vector images that can be easily manipulated. Graphic designers also play important roles in creating promotional displays, outdoors advertising, as well as some marketing tools for various types of businesses. Graphic designers are the ones who design effective and unique company logos and signs that help promote businesses.

Likewise, more and more graphic designers all over the world are developing materials for the web. These types of graphic designers are called web designers, which is one of the fastest growing career fields. Other designers combine working with the web and also working with traditional media.

Lastly, graphic designers are responsible for providing our homes and business with creativity that inspire and persuade us.

Case #1: Jeanette and Tom had been married 15 years. Wanting to surprise him for his birthday, Jeanette, with her own money, bought Tom a big-screen LCD television.

Tom’s reaction? He instantly blew up and berated Jeanette for spending so much moneybuying more television than they needed, a bigger model than they had previously looked at together.

Jeanette was dumbfounded at Tom’s reaction; she truly thought this would be a gift that would greatly please him.

Case #2: Jim was having a friendly beer with his brother-in-law Jack when the discussion turned to Jack’s success in life. Wanting to compliment him, Jim commented on how far he had come, how proud of himself he must be and how much he is an inspiration to others, given his background with alcoholic and dysfunctional parents.

Rather than seeing this as a compliment, however, Jack became offended and angry. He berated Jim for “putting him down,” as he interpreted Jim’s comment.

Views cause anger

As these examples clearly show, people are not disturbed by things or events, but by their view of them, as Epictetusana Greek philosopherobserved early in the 2nd century.

When an upsetting family event occurs, you have a choice of how you are going to explain it to yourselfwhat you are going to tell yourself about it. This will influence how angry, stressed, or upset, you become over the event.

Learning to change what you tell yourself your self-talk can break the cycle of negativity that can often poison our minds when we get angry. We all have ’scripts’ in our minds that tell us messages and stories about family members and how they behave.

Tom, who exploded when his loving wife bought him a new television, was telling himself things like: she has such poor judgment-buying a bigger TV than we need; there she goes again, spending money excessively; why can’t she ever do what I want her to do? Why did I marry such a woman?

Of course, none of these things made any sense to Tom once he cooled down and became his rational self again. But, at the moment of anger explosion, Tom’s self-statements seem 100% true to him.

Jack who became offended at being congratulated for overcoming his past, was actually having the following conversation in his head: he is putting me down because I had alcoholic parents; he is saying I am not capable of being successful on my own instead of ‘overcoming’ something in my past; he is mocking me because of how I grew up.

No wonder he became so upset at Jim’s innocent attempt at a compliment. Like many of us, Jack was responding to his perspective of what was being communicatednot Jim’s.

Changing your self-talk

The next time anger threatens to spoil a family event, try these simple steps:

Step 1: Retreat and think things over. Never respond immediately to a family anger or stress trigger. Give your body and your mind a chance to calm down so you can think rationally. Research shows this may take at least 20 minutes.

Step 2: Examine the evidence. The most convincing way of disputing negative self-talk toward a family member is to show yourself it is factually incorrect. Do not lie to yourself, butlike a detective simply and honestly look at all the evidence at hand.

For instance, when calm Tom remembered that his wife was excellent with money and rarely overspent. Jack remembered that Jim never disparaged him and, in fact, had always supported him throughout the years of their friendship.

Step 3: Find a more positive and useful way of interpreting the behavior of family members. Tom was finally able to see his wife’s buying behavior as a sign of love and caring for him, rather than trying to hurt him or cause stress.

Jack was eventually capable of seeing that Jim was truly trying to compliment him and that he truly saw Jack as someone to be admired because of how far he had come in life.

Career To Do’s for the New Year

The start of a new year is a common time when people talk about making changes, particularly when it comes to their jobs. Whether you are seriously ready to make a move or you are still thinking about it, these 5 “Career To Do’s” will help get your year started off right.

1. Update your resume. In today’s uncertain economy, you need to be ready to move at a moment’s notice. If your company were to close today, how long would it take you to prepare for a job search? When was the last time you updated your resume? Do you remember every assignment or special project you’ve worked on over the past year? Can you recall all of the classes or special training you’ve received? Every year, at least twice a year, invest some time in updating your resume. Use performance evaluations and job descriptions to ensure you are accurately demonstrating your skills and accomplishments in the most clear, concise, and flattering manner.

2. Network, network and network. Nobody likes a person who only calls when they want something. Don’t put yourself in a position of not having a job and needing to reach out to old colleagues and acquaintances that you haven’t talked to in 5 years. Now is the time to nurture those relationships. Join or renew your membership to a professional organization, subscribe (and contribute) to an industry journal or newsletter, send former co-workers a “hello” note. Should you ever find yourself looking for a new job, your network is already in place and ready to work for you.

3. Review old goals and set new ones. Ships don’t set a course at the beginning of a journey then sit back and hope they reach their destination. Instead they periodically check their position and make adjustments as needed. Planning your career success is no different. Last year, what were your goals? What position were you hoping to be in? How much money were you expecting to make? Take some time to compare your current situation with what you were hoping for last year. What adjustments do you need to make?

4. Get a real performance evaluation. No matter how high your self-esteem is or how great you think you are, the reality is that your success is highly dependant upon how other people perceive you. If your company does not do periodic performance reviews ask for one. And don’t just seek praise (although that may be useful information when it comes time for a salary adjustment), but also get 2 or 3 areas for improvement. Ask for specific suggestions and follow up in a few months to check your progress. Performance evaluations are not only useful for finding your weaknesses, but should you find yourself in a job interview, you can use specific examples from your review to highlight your strengths.

5. Invest in your personal development. Take a class. Attend a conference. Learn a new computer program. The minute you stop trying to improve yourself is the minute you stop growing. Your personal success will depend upon you making an investment of time and sometimes money. Even if your company does not offer any training, its worthwhile to make the investment in yourself. And if your company does offer any kind of training, then (and I apologize for the insult) you’d be a fool not to take advantage of it.